I’m not sure why I’m writing this, but maybe it will be helpful to someone. Now that the incident is over and I’ve moved on, I need to let it out.

After three and a half years of marriage, I learned of my wife’s affair in February 2018. I worked a contract job that occasionally required a lot of travel, but it also permitted me to work from home when I returned. My wife, Kathy, held a very lucrative position as a director at a technical sales company. Although things had become a little strained due to her working longer and longer hours and my own travel, we still had what I would call a fairly excellent marriage.

We met five years ago at a cookout hosted by a mutual acquaintance. We clicked immediately. To be honest, I felt that being with a woman so attractive and articulate was a huge advantage for me. My rough-around-the-edges demeanor somehow appealed to her. We fell hard and fast. After 18 months of dating, we got married and moved into a large apartment, saving for a down payment on a home.

Things began to change after the first three years. I noticed she would argue over little matters. When I mentioned all the late hours and the increasingly regular work outings, she would grow irate. Since she had been moving up the corporate ladder, she claimed that it was a necessary component of “paying the dues.” She informed me that since I was also away for weeks at a time, I had no right to challenge her. In reality, I had only been taking trips for three or four days every five weeks or so, and I assured her that I could definitely cut back. These highly circular arguments never led to a conclusion.

Looking back, I realize I was completely unaware she was having an affair. Aside from our declining intimate life and her persistently late work hours, I would never have suspected anything. I simply assumed she was exhausted from her job. But being rejected so often had taken a toll on my ego.

She had a work mobile phone and might have been using it, but I didn’t witness the covert texting I had read about in other stories. She used our spare bedroom as a home office and spent a lot of time there. Around September 2017, Kathy began returning home from work only to leave again for a “work engagement.” This increased from one night per week to over three nights each week.

The first time I suspected she was cheating was a month prior to D-Day. She had made a brief stop at the supermarket before coming home. I was asked to help her with the groceries. As I was retrieving a few items from the rear seat of her car, something pink glinted from just beneath the front passenger seat. It was a bra that belonged to my wife. I knew it was hers because she preferred ones from a certain clothing store.

Looking back, I can see the bra was a warning sign. She always removes her bra first from under her clothes when she’s feeling particularly amorous. I’m not sure why, but when I saw it, I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn’t understand why her bra was beneath the seat. I didn’t say anything. My heart must have been pounding so hard that I nearly passed out, because when I brought the bags back to the kitchen, Kathy asked me how I was feeling and said that I looked like I had seen a ghost. I simply ignored her remark. It took everything I had to conceal my emotions. I made the decision to try to find out whether or not she was seeing someone.

That night and the following day, I began to consider all the hints I could have overlooked. Other than the bra, I had no evidence. I decided to temporarily put the affair idea out of my mind and consider giving her more of my attention. One Friday after work, I prepared a delicious meal and arranged the dining table with elegant plates, silverware, and candles. I purchased an arrangement of flowers and a lovely bottle of wine.

When she arrived, breezing in as usual, I pointed out the dinner I had made. She apologized and said she was sorry but she had to go to a neighborhood hangout to meet up with her co-workers. She mentioned she needed to take a shower first but could have a small snack with me before she left.

I guess I went utterly silent because my insides flipped. I won’t explain the type of anger I was experiencing, but I had had enough. While she was taking a shower, I took my work cell phone and threw it in her back seat. I had been considering this as a means of tracking her. After that, I walked into the kitchen and threw the food and flowers in the garbage.

After taking a shower, she got ready and looked stunning as always. “Alright, let’s eat,” she said.

“Never mind. Go out with your friends,” I urged.

She gave me a weird look and asked if I was angry. “I’m sad that you never want to do anything with me,” I said.

She got upset and sarcastically remarked on my short fuse, telling me to stop acting like a kid. “Foolish me,” I muttered as I stood there, “for once, I felt we should spend the evening together.” She simply gave me a sly smile and stormed off.

When she departed, I pulled out my second phone and began following my work phone. I caught her stopping at the bar she often visits with her co-workers, about 20 minutes away. I decided to go find her car. Indeed, it was in the parking lot. I waited in my car across the street, feeling like a stalker, but I told myself I had to calm my fear.

About an hour after I got there, I observed her leaving the bar with a man. He had the appearance of an executive from her company. He took hold of her, drew her near, and planted a kiss on her lips. My body was totally numb, and my stomach started to clench. They went to a different vehicle and climbed in together. When their car pulled out, I tried to keep up. You guessed it: they drove to a hotel 10 minutes away. As I stopped on the street beside the hotel, I saw them exit, holding hands, and enter.

I’d seen enough. I felt foolish. I began pounding the steering wheel with my fist. That was it. Something went totally blank inside of me. At this point, my life started on a path I never would have imagined. I simply began to drive out of town, replaying all that I had just seen, crying out of anger.

I located a pleasant little tavern on the outskirts of town, some 30 miles away, and stopped in. I ordered a drink while seated at the bar. The bartender, a woman, said that I looked like someone had taken the wind out of my sails. “You could say that,” I answered, half-smiling.

A man sat down beside me and struck up a discussion. Even though I didn’t feel like talking, there was something about this guy that put me at ease. Eventually, my wife’s infidelity came up. I told him that all I wanted to do was get away from her and forget about her. “You’re not alone, buddy,” he replied, giving me a pat on the back. “I experienced that a few years ago. I think there’s a reason why these things occur. Your life can now take a positive or negative turn. At this point, everything is totally up to you.”

His remarks, for some reason, jolted me out of my gloom. We identified ourselves. Ray was his name. I really liked his salt-of-the-earth vibe. “Are you going to move out?” he inquired. I suppose I never thought to look that far ahead. I had a fight-or-flight response going on, and I knew I didn’t want to be around this woman any longer.

“I have an idea,” Ray added. “When the time comes, I have a mobile trailer on my land, in case you feel the need to go. It might require some work. Why don’t you visit and see if you could imagine yourself briefly residing in anything like that? I’ll give you a terrific bargain on it. You could even park it on a lovely piece of property I own. It could be beneficial to escape your predicament. Just a thought.”

The bartender, who had been listening in, added, “Hell, honey, if I could have escaped my crazy ex-husband years ago, I would have jumped at the chance to go live in a trailer or anything just to get my head on straight.”

Perhaps this was just what I needed. “Yes, I’ll think about it and maybe check it out,” I said to Ray. We split up and agreed to get together at his house in a few days. I began to feel as though I had some perspective and an opportunity to escape. I knew one thing for sure: I would never, ever want to spend time with my wife again.

When I arrived home that evening, I sat on the couch. When Kathy came out, she asked me where I had been. “Where have you been?” I questioned, turning to face her.

“You know, I went to grab drinks,” she said.

I directly inquired, “Are you having an affair?” She appeared surprised but soon collected herself and responded, “No. Why would you ask me that?”

I informed her that I had heard she might be seeing someone at work. “Who told you that?” she said.

“Someone I know,” I said, keeping the name a secret.

After saying, “You’re being ridiculous,” she accused me of being intoxicated and insane. She returned to our bedroom and went to bed. Now that I had proof she had been deceiving me for months, I made the decision to sleep on the sofa. I couldn’t sleep at all because I kept seeing her in bed with this guy. I felt sorry for myself, disgusted, and hurt. But then I thought about Ray’s trailer. The thought of it cheered me up.

We didn’t talk much the following morning. I scheduled a meeting with Ray a few days later. The trailer was actually quite nice, about 26 feet long and fully furnished. Ray accepted the money I offered him. He gave me directions to his ranch property. The area was lovely, with hiking and biking paths close by. Ray promised to set up the trailer for me and pull it to the location.

Over the course of the following few weeks, I tried to get Kathy to come clean, but all I got was gaslighting. I even bluntly warned her that there would be no turning back if I discovered she was cheating. As a result, she became even more engrossed in her affair and began to lash out at me with denials. I nearly laughed at how awful the denials were.

Instead of communicating my feelings to Kathy, I simply began planning. While she was at work, I started quietly removing my possessions from the apartment and transferring them to the trailer. At least I felt like I was doing something about it.

Kathy informed me that the next week she would be traveling for work. She stated the executive team and a few department heads were going. “I hope you have a great time with your boyfriend,” I added, glancing at her. I immediately regretted saying that because it sparked a furious argument.

When she was gone, I had the ideal opportunity to move out entirely. I collected everything valuable that was mine: clothes, laptops, and equipment. I didn’t take any shared goods or furniture. Before I left, I left a note. At first, it was a lengthy explanation, but I chose to make it brief. I wrote, “I hope it was worth it.” On top of the note on the kitchen table, I set my wedding ring.

As I left, I felt like a great weight had been lifted. I was liberated. The hurt would take time to heal, but I had started. I needed time to myself and to swiftly and quietly get away from her. The air from the mountains was just what I needed.

While she was away, Kathy texted things like, “We just landed,” or “We’re having a team dinner.” Then, “Where are you?” and “Why haven’t you gotten back to me?” I didn’t answer. When she got home, my phone exploded with calls and texts. She kept trying to get in touch with me, but I ignored her. Her mother also tried to call.

After she was ignored for a week, her messages grew more urgent. “We must speak. I’m not sure what you believe you know, but nothing is happening. There isn’t an affair going on.” After another week of not answering, she finally texted me, saying, “I’m sorry things got out of hand. It didn’t matter that I was involved with someone at work. You were absent a lot. I simply made an error. I intended to terminate it.”

An error. I had been waiting for this confession, yet somehow it only made me detest her more. Why was she unable to be truthful? Her pleas for me to return and work on the marriage eventually grew pitiful. I refused to respond. She then began sending nasty texts like, “You’re a coward.” After a while, I switched my mobile number.

I received an email from Kathy informing me that she had hired a lawyer and was going to file for divorce. I just said, “Okay, that sounds good.” This led to a barrage of emails requesting that I visit her. After realizing this wouldn’t work, she wrote that she would stop bothering me if I consented to an uncontested divorce. After I consented, I was genuinely free. I never had to see her again.

Now that I’m officially divorced, things are going great. In actuality, I got to know a wonderful girl just down the hill from my house. We clicked when I helped her replace a flat tire. Although I’m not in a rush to commit, I also don’t intend to give up on women entirely. I have no intention of moving out of the trailer anytime soon. I enjoy being outside and have simplified my life. It made everything easier for me, including the grief.

I went into town this past weekend to get groceries and made a stop at my normal coffee establishment. I was on my way to my pickup when I heard someone shout, “Paul!” When I turned to look across the street, I saw Kathy. My ex-wife. Finally, Armageddon had arrived.

She hurried across the street toward me, and I stood there in disbelief. She walked over and extended her hand as though anticipating an embrace. I stopped her in her tracks by instinctively holding out my arms with my palms up. She appeared to be in severe pain. Then she added, “I’ve been searching for you, Paul. I’ve wanted to see you since I heard you moved here. Can we have a conversation?”

I felt like an animal confined in a cage. “Alright,” I finally gave in. “Let’s find a table or something.”

She began by saying she was sorry about the affair. She claimed that after I left, karma had severely impacted her. When her employer learned of the affair, the situation became so tense that she eventually resigned. Her affair partner, who at the time was engaged, received criticism and was transferred. After he blamed her for everything, she told his fiancée the truth, which caused them to split up. This is when she bowed her head and began to weep.

“What do you want from me?” I asked.

She assured me that she had no intention of having an affair. She stated that the company’s politics and positioning drew her in, and that her affair partner used his charm and influence to corrupt her. After I accused her of cheating, she stated that she intended to come clean. She believed she had to find me to see if there was any chance of reconciliation. She hoped we could start fresh, even though she knew we were divorced.

I simply gazed at her. Then I gave it to her. “You have no right to come out here and undo all the harm you have done. Do you think I’ll overlook everything you did to destroy our union? As I previously stated, we were done. If you cheated, forgiveness does not exist. This relationship will not be restarted. You ended it. As soon as you left me, you ruined everything we had. How foolish do you believe me to be? One evening, I watched you enter a hotel with him. Were you aware of that?”

I became aware that my voice had been getting louder. She grabbed my arm and started crying. After letting her sob on my shoulder for a while, I pushed her away. “I deserve all this,” she replied, glancing up at me. “If nothing else, would you allow me to take you out to dinner? I want to make sure that we are transparent about everything. Please, Paul. I love you so much. I had no idea how much I loved you before you left me. You broke me as much as I broke you.”

We ultimately decided to have dinner at a charming little spot with a patio. In fact, we had a good conversation. I then escorted her to her vehicle. She insisted that she hadn’t dated anyone else since I left and vowed fervently that I was the only person she wanted. Before she left, I asked her directly, “Would you have forgiven me if I had been the one cheating?”

She responded after pausing to reflect. “Yes, in time. But only if we saw a marriage counselor and worked through the healing process with lots of talking.”

“Alright,” I answered. “Maybe I could do that in five or ten years.”

“I would wait if that’s what it would take,” she replied. She then took both of my hands in hers, looked me in the eye, and said, “Paul, I will always love you and will do anything to prove it.”

Her remarks continued to upset me even after she left. I was still unable to envision us reuniting.

: Most likely, this will be my final update. In summary, I ghosted my ex-wife for more than a year before she discovered me. She wanted to make amends and start over. She expressed her love and regret for the affair in a lengthy email she sent me last week. She offered to come out and stay with me for the weekend once more.

My answer? I silenced her. I informed her that I had no plans to make amends. I’m totally happy living alone, taking advantage of my secluded position and keeping things simple. I have my own self-determination and have enjoyed the company of a few women and friends. I made it clear in my email response that I had no intention of reconciling. You made your bed, I wrote. I hope the best for you, and perhaps we might become friends in the future, but not right now.

She was annoyed by my evasiveness and responded in a telling way. She acknowledged that she had taken a job offer from a different state. Her true goal had been for me to accompany her, believing that my remote work would make the move simple. She wished we could start over somewhere new. Luckily for me, her time was up. I’m grateful I will no longer have her in my life. I anticipate receiving a few more emails, but she’ll soon recognize that her time with me is over. She’ll need to find someone else. To anyone reading this, make the most of your life. Let go of the past and give yourself the strength to go on. Good luck.